I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize