oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
