There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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