sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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