you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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