my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
