If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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