If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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