wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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