My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
