Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
