I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Couch. On fire.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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