The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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