it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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