babies were throwing up all over the place
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
