I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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