Having a random hookup so left but love u
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Never joke about your clitoris.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
