I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
