i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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