I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
