Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Drake has all the answers
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
