I CAN MOONWALK!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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