Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
