for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
