How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
