That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
