If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
