I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
