now i know why i became what i already was.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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