Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
