I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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