First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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