Just fell off a train. Bad.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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