when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize