So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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