The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
