her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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