My balls are so social today.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
