nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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