turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
