I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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