The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
