I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
