I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
