sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
