There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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