you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
