my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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