Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
