I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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