can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
