Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
