You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
