So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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