I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
