my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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