I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
