After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
