Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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