I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
