The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
