he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
